Carmageddon 64

The publisher behind this garbage port is Titus Software, which also dumped out Superman 64 onto unsuspecting Nintendo 64 owners last year, and had the unfortunate luck of inheriting Carmageddon.

Any time when a software company is more than happy to provide you with preview versions of a game that looks like it still needs a fair bit of work, but then becomes mysteriously uncontactable when you're trying to get hold of finished review code, you instinctively become a bit suspicious. When you go into a shop and unexpectedly discover said game is already on sale before you've got hold of a review copy, alarm bells go off. Crap game alert! How many suckers will have parted with their money before the reviews come out? LameageddonIf you've seen (or heard of) the movie Death Race 2000, you'll know what is all about. Or rather, what it's meant to be all about, ie driving around and killing pedestrians and other drivers for points. Nintendo, naturally, wasn't keen to have anything too controversial on its console, so the pedestrians that should be there have been replaced by zombies.

Poorly-drawn zombies, at that. There's a thin zombie, a ludicrously fat zombie, and, er, that's it. They do at least have red blood, but it hardly splatters. It looks more like somebody's having a display of poppies for the British Legion.Unlike other versions of the game, the zombies in Carmageddon 64 don't burst apart or lose limbs on impact. Instead, they slowly break up into their component polygons (from the look of it, each zombie is made up from about six polys, so detail-wise they're on a par with Mario's nose) which drift away like triangular butterflies. You won't be going 'Wow, did you see that?' When you run over a zombie.

Well, you might, but you'll be following it with the line 'That was so crap!' SuckageddonYes, the sad truth is that Carmageddon 64 is one of the lamest games since. What's the worst thing about it?

Could it be the unimaginative, fuzzy and jerky graphics? The slit-your-wrists-annoying techno music? No, because these, while admittedly poor, are just cosmetic. What plunges Carmageddon to new depths of awfulness is the simple fact that it is impossible to play!Applying the word 'control' to your vehicle's handling is so far from the truth that it almost seems worthshopping the writer of the manual to the Trades Descriptions Act people. Maybe Carmageddon is set on Mars or Pluto, because the cars don't behave like anything that's ever rolled across the Earth. Hit a bump and you spin lazily through the air in a way that makes feel no more exaggerated than a drive around the Asda car park in your auntie's Metro. Bumping into barriers at 2mph can hurl you into a slow-motion multiple backflip, and even when you think you're stationary you'll often find your car wafting sideways for no reason whatsoever.

Every surface in the game must have been secretly coated with a layer of bottle ice, motor oil and eel slime. One time, even just tapping the bumper of a stationary opponent blasted our car halfway across the map like a cannonball!The appalling physics make the game unplayable. All the vehicles in the game behave more like hovercraft than cars - even the simplest turn produces a massive sideways drift, and you can forget about attempting any kind of precise driving to wipe out zombies or nip between closely-spaced obstacles.

It takes ages to build up any speed, but the slightest tap on the brake not only brings you to a stop in three feet flat, but actually sends you into reserve, taking you even longer to get going again. Five minutes of play will wind you up with frustration and five more will see you striking out at nearby family members.Just to rub in how bad the game is, it can only scrape up a two-player mode. Compare that to, which can support four players in hi-res! On the plus side, it means that you'll only lose one friend at once if you force someone to play it with you. CrapageddonCarmageddon is the worst game to date on the N64, and considering the disturbing number of pieces of cartridge-based crap that have splattered onto our desks over the years, that's quite something.

It's slurping around at the very bottom of the barrel with and - the depressing thing is that such a turd of a game could possibly have been produced three years into the machine's life. This really is one of the most pathetic, badly-bungled and unplayable ports of all time.Unfortunately, because the game was onto the shelves the game unplayable. Without any review copies having been sent out, it's highly likely that a lot of people will have bought Carmageddon based solely on its name and the reputation of the PC original. By now, these people will already have realised to their horror that N64 Carmageddon is only related to the PC game in an inbred mutant kind of way.

On the plus side, a lot of game shops these days are willing to trade in unwanted games. Should you be masochistic enough to want to give it a try, there will be no shortage of second-hand copies of Carmageddon 64 knocking around. Well, well, well.

Go play the PC or even the PS1 version of this game instead of this.Genre:Arcade DrivingPlatforms:AGWRelease Date:December 5, 1999Developer:Software CreationsPublisher:Franchise:CarmageddonNext Game:Carmageddon II: Carpocalypse NowCarmageddon 64 is a racing game released at 1999 on the Nintendo 64. It was developed by Software Creations and published by (the same company who made ). The game is often mistaken as a port of the original Carmageddon, but it is actually a port of Carmageddon 2.

Terrible controls, frame rate and camera angles. Your car would swerve all over the place while steering. As there is no drifting mechanic and even how hard you steer it is impossible to take tight turns on most tracks without slowing down and spastically turning. In addition about the camera, it is uncontrollable and it can snap back to the back of your car when you stop. Cheap and completely useless opponent AI.

The zombies just wander about randomly while the opponent cars will, at best, ram you once or twice. The AI cars are so moronic that in one of the levels, Beaver County Quarry, they all always fall into a pit and no one manages to leave. This makes the game extremely boring since you win whenever you kill all zombies, waste all opponents, or by crossing all checkpoints regardless if the opponent cars reached all the checkpoints or not.

To waste your opponents' cars, you have to ram them, instead of using weapons, while normal for the franchise, is hard to do because your car takes insane damage, even if you ram your opponents without them being anywhere near the speed to do any back. The weapon powerups are also very hard to find and even if you did find them, it still requires a bit of effort to waste opponents with them. Most maps are huge and labyrinthine with one path through the checkpoints and zero directions on where to go. There is no set path to reach checkpoints which is very confusing and can result in excessive backtracking. Each successive set of races adds one lap that must be completed. By the game's halfway point you have to extensively seek out ways to extend your time limit as a single race easily takes 20 minutes or longer!. Instead of humans like in the PC and PlayStation version, the N64 version This is a problem because this game is rated M for Mature, which is an age rating given to games that have mature themes, which it does in the form of heavy violence.

This means that they don't need to because minors couldn't buy the game without their parent's consent, if at all. There is a where you can fall into the water and can't recover back onto the track, and if you do recover you appear just next to the water, so you would most likely drive into the water again.

Very small text-only cutscenes which could cause an eye strain. Poor graphics and low quality textures that even can make Superman (N64) blush. Almost non-existent physics. For example, your car can drive up walls and even drive while upside down.

Although there is 'Carmageddon' and 'Quick Start' modes, Quick Start just resumes from where you left off in Carmageddon mode. Although this game does save your progress, it does not tell you if it's actually saving the game or not.

After the game was play-tested, instead of improving the controls they included 'anti-frustration' measures, cheap tactics to give the player more advantages and make the game slightly more playable without actually fixing the gameplay of the game.

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